Graduation

Well, Pip made it through Jr. High and got his "diploma".
This year was difficult for him.
I just hope he gets more responsible, organized, and focused for high school.

Tonight was the Junior High Ice Cream Social.
He and his best friend Sam went, however, they were not warmly welcomed (by questioning) because they already graduated the night before.
They noticed they were the only two graduated eighth graders there!

The social was for the existing and new students coming into the junior high next year.

That was not on the calendar but they had fun anyways despite the miscommunication.

Talent Show Grade 8

A few weeks ago, my son, now in grade 8, came home and told me he wanted to be in the talent show (scholarship fundraiser) after skipping it for two years.
It was going to be in a couple of weeks.

I asked him what he would do and he said dance.
I asked him what song and how long it was, he told me (something by Owl City) the song was four minutes long.  I laughed and told him, first, you really just can't go out and dance without a routine, and second, even on Dancing With the Stars or So You Think You Can Dance, any other dance show, the routines are less than 2 minutes long, more like 90 seconds.

A suggestion made was he be the Old Man again and tell the corny interactive jokes.
So he went to the audition, and paid his $5. fee.
There was a panel, several high school students and a couple of teachers.

One of his jokes was "What is an archaeologists or historians favorite game?"
Answer: The Dating Game.
The high school students did not laugh (no clue) but the teachers who were there did.
He asked if he should take it out, but the teachers, still laughing, insisted he keep it in.

The night of the show, he wobbled out with his cane and crazy wig wearing a suit coat and told his jokes.
He already had a fan base from the other years he did this at the elementary school.
People really laughed at his jokes. "The Dating Game" got the biggest laugh.  He delivered them so well.
We were laughing because of the audience reactions/ or nearby comments we were overhearing.

Later on in the show, there was a technical delay, and the MCs said they had some time to tell jokes (moans from the audience) when someone in the audience behind us yelled out, "Bring back the Old Man!"

The show was taped and on our local cable channel so we got to watch it again (and again, etc).
For a few weeks, people would say to us how they enjoyed his performance and laughed when they recalled a few of the jokes he told.

Everyone did really well and it was a very fun night.

Peep Show

I had no idea.
I stumbled upon this and thought WOW -- people doing silly creative things that make me laugh!

Evidently this is a yearly contest -- people use Peeps (the candy marshmallow creatures) and create dioramas based on news, art, movies, TV shows, etc..

If you love the silliness of the Peeps (like me, but I don't eat them) -- then this is a happy little activity if you have some time to spare and view.

I am amazed at the details and the time it took to create these little scenes.

Peep Show III -- links to the other shows are on the left side.

Winkie-pedia

One night my daughter was doing some homework research on the computer.
When she was having a bit of trouble she asked me for help.

My son who was nearby got very excited about helping, but in a serious expert like voice told her to look it up on "Winkie-pedia".

Naturally we all laughed at his creativeness of inventing a new info site.
I laughed the longest and hardest.

He just cracks me up!

Guide to Marketing

1. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say: "I am very rich. "Marry me!" - That's Direct Marketing"

2. You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl.
One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you says: "He's very rich. "Marry him." -That's Advertising"

3. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and get her telephone number. The next day, you call and say: "Hi, I'm very rich.
"Marry me - That's Telemarketing"

4. You're at a party and see gorgeous girl. You get up and straighten your tie, you walk up to her and pour her a drink, you open the door (of the car) for her, pick up her bag after she drops it, offer her ride and then say: "By the way, I'm rich. Will you "Marry Me?" - That's Public Relations

5. You're at a party and see gorgeous girl. She walks up to you and says:" You are very rich! "Can you marry ! me?" - That's Brand Recognition

6. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say: "I am very rich. Marry me!" She gives you a nice hard slap on your face. - "That's Customer Feedback"

7. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say: "I am very rich. Marry me!" And she introduces you to her husband. - "That's demand and supply gap"

8. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and before you say anything, another person come and tell her: "I'm rich. Will you marry me?" and she goes with him - "That's competition eating into your market share"

9. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and before you
say: "I'm rich, Marry me!" your wife arrives. - "That's restriction for entering new markets"

Map of Online Communties

I find this incredibly amusing. Enjoy!

Larger map here

Travel Advice

A woman was at her hairdresser's getting her hair styled for a trip to Rome with her husband.. She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser, who responded:

" Rome ? Why would anyone want to go there? It's crowded and dirty.. You're crazy to go to Rome . So, how are you getting there?"

"We're taking Continental," was the reply. "We got a great rate!"

"Continental?" exclaimed the hairdresser. " That's a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly, and they're always late. So, where are you staying in Rome ?"

"We'll be at this exclusive little place over on Rome 's Tiber River called Teste."

"Don't go any further. I know that place. Everybody thinks its gonna be something special and exclusive, but it's really a dump."

"We're going to go to see the Vatican and maybe get to see the Pope."

"That's rich," laughed the hairdresser. You and a million other people trying to see him. He'll look the size of an ant.

Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours. You're going to need it."

A month later, the woman again came in for a hairdo. The hairdresser asked her about her trip to Rome .

"It was wonderful," explained the woman, "not only were we on time in one of Continental's brand new planes, but it was overbooked, and they bumped us up to first class. The food and wine were wonderful, and I had a handsome 28-year-old steward who waited on me hand and foot.

And the hotel was great! They'd just finished a $5 million remodeling job, and now it's a jewel, the finest hotel in the city. They, too, were overbooked, so they apologized and gave us their owner's suite at no extra charge!"

"Well," muttered the hairdresser, "that's all well and good, but I know you didn't get to see the Pope."

"Actually, we were quite lucky, because as we t oured the Vatican, a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder, and explained that the Pope likes to meet some of the visitors, and if I'd be so kind as to step into his private room and wait, the Pope would personally greet me.

Sure enough, five minutes later, the Pope walked through the door and shook my hand! I knelt down and he spoke a few words to me.."

"Oh, really! What'd he say ?"

He said: "Who Messed up your hair?"

A teacher gave each student in her class the first half of a proverb, and then asked them to come up with the rest of the phrase.

Better to be safe than . . . punch a 5th grader.

Strike while the . . . bug is close.

It's always darkest before . . . daylight savings time.

Never underestimate the power of . . . termites.

Don't bite the hand that . . . looks dirty.

A miss is as good as a . . . Mr.

You can't teach an old dog new . . . math.

The pen is mightier than the . . . pigs.

An idle mind is . . . the best way to relax.

Happy the bride who . . . gets all the presents.

A penny saved is . . . not much.

Laugh and the world laughs with you, cry and . . . you have to blow your nose.

Children should be seen and not . . . spanked or grounded.

If at first you don't succeed . . . get new batteries.

You get out of something what you . . . see pictured on the box.

Old Age Jelly Bean Chart

Old Age Jelly Beans Pill Chart

Black JB Senility

Geen JB constipation

Orange JB Deafness

Pink JB Wrinkles

Purple JB Arthritis

Red JB sex

White JB Baldness

Yellow JB gas

An Old Lady Reflects

An 80 year old with good sense of humour.
The local news station was interviewing an 80 year-old lady because she had just gotten married -- for the fourth time.

The interviewer asked her questions about her life, about what it felt like to be marrying again at 80, and then about her new husband's occupation.
'He's a funeral director,' she answered.

'Interesting,' the newsman thought.
He then asked her if she wouldn't mind telling him a little about her first three husbands and what they did for a living.

She paused for a few moments, needing time to reflect on all those years. After a short time, a smile came to her face and she answered proudly, explaining that she'd first married a banker when she was in her early 20's, then a circus ringmaster when in her 40's, later on a preacher when in her 60's, and now in her 80's, a funeral director.

The interviewer looked at her, quite astonished, and asked why she had married four men with such diverse careers.

She smiled and explained,
One for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to go.

Things You Learn as a Kid

No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats.

When your mom is mad at your dad, don't let her brush your hair.

If your sister hits you, don't hit her back.

They always catch the second person.

Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.

You can't trust dogs to watch your food.

Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.

Puppies still have bad breath even after eating a tic tac.

Never hold a dust buster and a cat at the same time.

School lunches stick to the wall.

You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.

Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.

The best place to be when you are sad is in Grandma's lap.

GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT LIFE THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED

Raising teenagers is like nailing JELLO to a tree.

There is always a lot to be thankful for if you take time to look for it.

For example, I am sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don't hurt.

One reason to smile is that every seven minutes of every day, someone in an aerobics class pulls a hamstring.

The best way to keep kids at home is to make the home a pleasant atmosphere... and let the air out of their tires.

Car sickness is the feeling you get when the monthly car payment is due.

Families are like fudge .. mostly sweet with a few nuts.

Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground.

Laughing helps. It's like jogging on the inside.

Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy.

My mind not only wanders, sometimes it leaves completely.

If you can remain calm, you just don't have all the facts.

You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoes and wonder what else you can do while you're down there.

Seven Tips for Keeping a Messy Desk

A messy desk is a sign of creativity and imagination. There is something about a messy desk that makes it look like work has been done. Many of the smartest people in history were so involved in their work that they did not bother to tidy things like their desk.

A desk that is too clean and tidy gives the impression that you have no on-going work and might need more work. You can have that, so here are some tips to keep your desk messy.

Scrap paper
Leave scrap paper in a messy pile on your desk where there is empty space. A clean empty space is known to collect unwanted items, so am to have no empty space.

Paper stacks
Why waste time getting up and putting something into a filing cabinet? Instead place in very large piles on your desk. This will also give you a bit more privacy if you start adding boxes to the piles and they are stacked high enough.

Post-it notes
Use post-it notes to remind yourself of what you need to do. You should not be able to see the frame of your monitor.

Keep print-outs
Instead of reading something on the computer, print it out. When you are finished with the print-outs, just add them to another stack on your desk for random crap.

Never plan to clean your desk
If you plan to clean your desk, you have too much time on your hands and can't be getting enough work done. Stop procrastinating.

Keep lots of pens
As your desk becomes messier, you may lose a few pens here and there. Make sure that there are enough pens on your desk so that this is not a problem.

Coffee cup challenge
Have a coffee cup challenge with one of your co-workers to see who can leave the most coffee cups on their desk.

Misheard in NH

It was my husband's birthday last week and we went out to eat.

While in the car, I hear my son singing "It's too late to order fries, is it too late?" He was singing the tune "It's too late to apologize." by Timbaland.

When I told him what the lyrics were, he was a bit stunned.

So the next day -- I went to have a small donut after breakfast only to find the box empty.
I suspected he had the last one.
So I started singing "Who ate the donut/s? Who? who? who? who?" to "Who Let the Dogs Out?" (Baha Men).

He told me not to be so silly. However, he was happily singing it in the bathroom with the door shut while washing his hands.

Good clean fun never hurts anyone.

Show Time

The Talent Show Review

If you had been following along, my son (4th grade, age "9 plus 1") was anxious and excited to enter the annual school Talent Show.

He finally got to perform in front of an audience of other students, parents, teachers, and the general public. He was the last act. He wore the gray haired wig we found, a suit coat, vest, white shirt and tie, jeans, and sneakers. I even got him a carnation to wear in the button hole.
We also found at a second hand store, a smaller cane more appropriate for his size, like a Tiny Tim crutch.

He wobbled on the stage, told his jokes in his "Old Man Jenkins" voice. He had great voice inflection and timing. The audience laughed at all the corny jokes. My daughter and I were at the back of the audience and we could hear the comments the people were making and laughing at the jokes saying this one or that one was pretty good.

He ended by saying he had to go catch a plane to Florida which everyone got a hoot out of and wobbled off the stage.

One of his jokes was "The good thing about getting old is that you can hide your own Easter eggs." A lot of people liked that one but when I told him this, he said he did not understand why it was so funny so I had to explain -- then he laughed at himself.

Within a few days, as I was on errands around town, lots of people complimented on him and said he was hilarious and entertaining.

He said next year he wants to do an Elvis impersonation as his talent.
I laughed.
Maybe he can do Elvis and tell jokes too?

The curtain closes.

Thank you -- Thank you very much.

Make Up Tip

see more loldogs are funny dog pictures!

The Talent Show

My son came home from school with a permission slip for auditioning for the annual talent show.

He begged me to sign it so he could return it.

I asked what his talent was and he said he wanted to dress up as an old man, his character he created, "Mr. Jenkins" and tell a few jokes. He does similiar performances out on the playground because the other children tell me how funny he is as the "old man". He tells me how they laugh.

So I took him to the audition. He wore a gray wig and had a cane. He waddled onto the stage platform exclaiming in a gruff voice as he walked "oh, my aching back", then told his jokes. At the end he then pretended to fall asleep, woke up and said it was time for his nap and shuffled off the stage.

The audience laughed at anything he did. The other children thought he looked so "cool".
He is in the show as he got a participation notice.

The show is in a few weeks so he has to rehearse and perfect his act.

I think I am going to have to get him an agent.

The Double Digit Birthday

Came and went. If you read a previous post, my son cried about becoming a "double digit" in age one night as he went to bed.

My son requested a yellow butter cake with fudge frosting.
He added decorations, colorful hokey pokies (jimmies) and his Thomas the Tank cake decorations from his 6th birthday.
I added nine candles since he said he always wanted to be nine.

I saw him counting the candles and he let out a big disapproving "HEY!".
I asked him what was wrong.
He said there were only nine candles but he was ten.

I said, "but you said you wanted to be nine forever so I put nine on."
His reply: " I told you Mommy, I am now nine plus one."

I put the tenth candle on. He was happy.

It was a great birthday. He had a jammy day in a storm and we lost power.
Thank god for birthday candles.
I am changing his name to Peter Pan one of these days.

Bored,com

While waiting for tblog to fix itself -- I went to bored.com and created something postive.

Click here to create your own painting.

False Teeth

Share the laughter -- found this joke and thought it was funny.

While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my four-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers, and wheelchairs.

One day, I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, "The tooth fairy will never believe this!"

The Cookie Caper and Catastrophe

Last night, at a small Valentine family ceremony, I gave the children their cards with some money.

And of course and naturally, for some strange reason, my daughter recalled this little tidbit about her younger brother.

Time frame: First Grade
Situation: Students were asked to donate money for winter items for the needy.
I told my son (first grader at the time) to select money from his "account" to donate.
He decided a dollar was enough from his limited funds.
As he leaves for school, I remind him to donate it as soon as he gets there.

When he came home from his bus stop walk, he had chocolate all over his face.
I asked him if he donated his dollar.
He stopped short and was speechless, he did not offer an answer.

Then it came out. Arianna, the girl who still to this day is madly in love with him, swiped the dollar out of his hand and bossily suggested that they spend the dollar and buy a bag of homemade double chocolate chip cookies (also an afterschool fundraiser for another purpose).

So it was done, she spent his donation, and they split the goodies between the two of them.
Yes, and the chocolate evidence on his face said he enjoyed every last bit!
It was all her idea and her fault he did not have the dollar.

I asked why he did not donate the money in the morning when they collect.
No answer to that.

So I ask about this at school and they investigate only to find out that my son was so proud of his dollar and he was showing it off in the bus line when evidently the cookie ploy was concocted and carried out while waiting for the bus.

The next day, I told him he had to donate twice the amount to the needy people.
Naturally he cried like I was telling him to rob the bank.

Well, that is the way the cookie crumbles I told him and reminded him of how delicious his treat was the day before.

My son did not like my daughter dregging up this little piece of "naughty business history".

Such is life.